Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
