i just wanna soil my oats bro
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
