I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
