ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
