You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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