Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
