I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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