I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
