btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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