Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
