i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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