Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
