i barfeds in our rink
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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