Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
