I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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