ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Randomize
