I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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