Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT