a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This is my gift to your gina
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock