so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
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You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
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Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.