Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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