Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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