everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
