He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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