does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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