Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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