If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My vagina is officially offended.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
