Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
