hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
