dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
