I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
His nipple licking is glorious
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