no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize