I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
