I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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