oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
