What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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