you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
