Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
