i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
