yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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