No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
