If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
