trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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