God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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