true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
