she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
