If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Houston, we have a blender
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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