God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
