if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
