i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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