I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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