I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
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Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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