I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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