just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
