so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
