Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Randomize