He kissed a someone with a penis
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize