i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
