So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We got so high we made milksteak
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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