Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
