According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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