Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I stole a fireplace last night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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