My nipple is on Facebook.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
